And It All Started With A Bang
by cherryvvoid
Summary: Honestly she wasn't sure how she ended where she ended up or how this body became hers but if there was one thing she knew, it was that having mouths anywhere other than on her face would take some serious getting used to. Fem!Si-as-Deidara. AU. Itachi/Deidara because Itachi is my favorite.
1. Big Bang Theory

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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Let it be said that she was a hundred percent _done_.

Done with her _situation_, done with her _family_, done with her _life_ -

**Crash!**

_"Oi!"_ A peeved voice barked, cutting through the sharp clatter of glass._ "How many times do I have to tell you to stop touching things?!"_

\- and done with being a fictional - turned very real - character from an _anime_ she had read simply for the hype!

A three year old - very female, unlike what she remembered about canon - Bakuhatsu no Deidara glared angrily at her brother before grabbing hold of a vase from her line up and chucking it at his face, making sure to laugh as it exploded midair.

"_Dei-da-ra!_" The blond haired boy growled, eyes narrowing as he saw her reach for another thing to pitch at him. "You're being a _brat!_"

Face bright red in anger she reached over and threw a cup, this time not bothering to smile as it burst into pieces.

"And you're being a _jerk_!" She shouted stomping one delicate foot, ignoring the warning look he was shooting her as a miniature smoke explosion took place beneath her foot and gray whips curled around her toes.

"I left on a _mission_!"

"You left for almost a month!" She countered, reaching out to pick up a glass basin. "A month Hiei, and you didn't even tell anymore!"

"It was _secret!_"

"Your _face_ is _secret!_" Deidara snapped on a growl, her fingers digging into the ceramic material in her grasp as her palms tingled and heated up. "So keep your stupid secret ugly mug away from me and leav-_AH!_"

It exploded in her face.

Cringing away from the sharp sting of the exploding glass Deidara tucked her bleeding hands into her sides and squeezed her eyes shut against the reflexive well of tears she could feel building up in her eyes.

She wasn't exactly a baby when it came to pain but she would be the first to admit that it wasn't a common experience - especially considering her family practically kept her trapped in a bubble.

Deciding it was best not to resist Hiei as he pulled her hands into his, she instead glared something fierce at the floor and flinched every time a piece of glass was tugged gently from her flesh.

"You're lucky to still have use of your hands," He said, a reprimand thick in his grumbled voice. "But that's what happens when you start abusing our Kekkei Genkai."

"How about I start abusing you, un?" She mumbled, already deflating from her earlier anger. "And you already _know_ it was mostly doing whatever it wanted, I have no control over what the Bakuton chooses to make go boom."

Hiei placed his faintly glowing hands over hers with a grimace. "Which was why I told you to stop touching things!"

Deidara immediately bristled at his tone, hackles rising.

"Well no one told you to leave mom and I alone for so long," She growled rocking forward to slam her forehead on his with a resounding clunk. "_you idiot boy!_"

Falling back she grasped her forehead and glared at her brother as he mirrored her actions.

"_You little lunatic!_"

_"Well maybe now you'll learn your lesson and not just leave whenever!" _She shouted back. "Just wait until kaa-chan gets home, she's gonna rip into you good!"

And like giving her a mention summoned her from the deepest pits of hell, the soft feminine sound of their mother drifted into the room and both of them froze. Turning towards the door they both watched as she stepped into the room with a ladle spoon in her grasp and an apron around her waist.

"Dei-chan~ I'm making lunch now," The woman chirped out. "what did you want to eat?"

But when no answer was forthcoming she opened looked up from the soup cooling on her spoon and there was a pause bore wide blue eyes blinked. Her mother's sweet face lite up as a tooth rotting smile stretched its way across her lips but the brightness of her grin did _nothing_ to disrupt the menacing black aura suddenly surrounded her slight frame.

"_Oh?~_ Is that my little shadow I see, _yeah?~_"

Her brother instantly blanched and without a second thought, attempted to throw himself head first out of the window but their mother was faster. Bakuhatsu no Kasai wasn't a member of the ANBU for no reason, the woman had worked hard to earn her speed and retiring didn't slow her down at all.

A single delicate hand was settled onto his shoulder mid jump and with wide, fear filled eyes he watched the smoke sizzle out from underneath her grip and Deidara could swear she saw a piece of his soul float away from his body.

But then again whenever someone like her mother began to employ her bloodline limit that tended to be the usual reaction.

"Dei-chan, un?~" Kasai called sweetly and even though she knew her mother's ire wasn't directed towards her, it didn't stop her from her jerking back.

"Y-yes kaa-chan?" She stuttered out with a shaky grin but her mother did nothing but smile.

"Why don't you go out and play hm~," She suggested - _commanded_ \- with a cheery giggle. "Your brother and I need to **_talk._**"

Catching - and ignoring- the pleading look Hiei was flashing her, she pushed herself into a standing position and bolted for the door. No way in _hell_ was she staying to help him out, she had been offered an out and by kami she would _take it._

"_Bye nii-chan have fun with your talk yeah!"_ She shouted in one whole breath as she slammed the door behind her. _"I'll pray for you!_"

The terrified screams of her brother echoed behind her but she had long since learned to tune it out. Her family this time around was something else entirely but she wasn't yet sure if it was something good or bad.

Probably the former.

Maybe.

Possibly.

More than likely.

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**So this is my Deidara fic. This will be AU. I tried my hardest but oh well.**

**So what do you think so far? I like Dei-chan's mom lol.**

**Please review!**


	2. Fire Starter

Deidara had been a walking disaster back in the day which was one of the two reasons why her mother had started teaching her how to work with their Kekkei Genkai.

Well, that and if she didn't learn how to regulate and release her explosive chakra, she would have transformed into the human equivalent of the atom bomb. Which was why as soon as she turned five did she start training. It had started off with standing outside with Deidara attempting to touch things without them blowing up and had increased in difficulty respectively until she was at her current point.

As of now, Deidara was trying to see how many things she could charge up without making them explode and attempting to create a timed explosion - almost like a grenade.

Which wouldn't be hard if it didn't require her utmost concentration and if her idiot of a brother wasn't trying his hardest to distract her via their mother's instructions.

Frowning as she heard the incessant whir and babble of _whatever_ her brother was doing, the young blonde quickly stood up and flung the rock she had been holding straight up into the air. Watching as it exploded with a sharp crack, she whirled around and glared daggers at her elder sibling.

"What," She growled out, cerulean eyes narrowing with poisonous intent as she surveyed his empty hands. "are you doing to make that _infernal_ noise?"

Hiei smirked and gave a slight whistle clearly intent on _not_ telling her what she wanted to know and Deidara _fumed_.

Marching over the young blonde scowled at him and clenched her hands into tight fists.

"Open your hands up yeah!" She hissed at him and when his palms were shown to be bare she felt her eyebrow twitch. "Empty your stupid pockets too!"

And so with a smirk, her brother did as she said, but when her search turned up to be for naught she scowled and grabbed a hold of his shirt, effectively lighting it on fire.

The asshole didn't even blink as he put it out.

Scrubbing a hand down her face, Deidara stood and reached down towards the ground to pick up her pair of seal covered black gloves. Slipping them on, she looked towards her mother and pouted.

"He's no help at all," She grouched. "and for the love of all things _holy_, take whatever he's using to make that noise away before I make half of his _face_ explode yeah."

Her brother glared at her but she dutifully ignored him.

"I'll make sure your nii-chan finds another way to distract you, dear." Her mother promised, before turning to look at Hiei. "It _was _quite annoying, Hiei, hand it over to mommy."

Smirking when she heard her brother whine out a peeved 'kaa-chan' Deidara took off. She had about ten minutes before she was due at the academy but she knew she'd make it in time, she was rather quick on her feet.

In fact, she was at the doors within five.

Pushing them open, she strolled inside and down several halls before she was standing in front of a classroom. Turning the knob the six-year-old blonde entered the class filled with kids her age and up and took her seat in the far back next to a familiar raven-haired girl.

"So what did I miss," She asked curiously. "Kurotsuchi."

Said girl turned brown eyes to her and she snorted.

"Nothing much." She admitted. "Just a bunch of idiots being complete idiots jackasses."

Abruptly Deidara snorted and sent her friend an amused look.

"Sounds like a normal day then yeah." She snickered. "Do you think another one of them will stab themselves in the leg with a kunai?"

Kurotsuchi's eyes twinkled with an unholy glee and the blonde felt her affection for the girl by exponential proportions.

"Maybe." She mused with an impish grin. "Only if we're really lucky, especially since lessons have gotten boring as hell lately. Thank god we get to graduate soon, else I'd kill myself."

Deidara nodded sympathetically.

"You ain't lying Kuro," She hummed as she kicked her feet up onto the desk. "I wish sensei would hurry up and get to the more interesting shit."

And funnily enough, just as soon as she finished that sentence the man in question practically phased into being behind her and with a jump, the Bakuton user turned in her seat to peer up sheepishly.

"O-oh Juuri-sensei!" She squeaked out as Kurotsuchi stared resolutely down at her toes. "We were just discussing how much we loved the pacing in class! It really gives everyone the chance to get on the same level!"

Dark eyes stared at her as an even darker brow quirked upwards and Deidara grimaced.

"Yeah, that _was_ pretty weak hm." She muttered as she visibly deflated. "I'll just shut up now."

The tall ninja shot her a single side eyed look as he pushed her legs off of the desk and she pouted at the unspoken chastisement.

"When you make jounin then you can put your feet on my desks," He told her drolly as he continued onto the front of the room and Deidara mocked him silently word for word.

Tilting her head to the side to avoid the senbon he threw her way at her disobedience, she wondered when the day where she could get away with being a mouthy little shit would come and glared down at her sensei.

"You could have killed me!" She growled out as she plucked the metal out of the wall and with a flick of her wrist sent it needling back at her teacher.

"If I wanted to I would have." He said and beside her Kurotsuchi snorted, prompting Deidara to elbow her harshly in the side - the dang traitor.

"You keep this up and I'll tell my mother on you." She purred out and then smirked when Juuri-sensei paused - Bakuhatsu no Kasai was to be feared and everyone knew it.

"I didn't know you were in the habit of running to mommy when things get a little hot." He said as he turned to face the board with a piece of chalk in hand. "I guess that shows more about your character than you're willing to admit."

Scowling now, Deidara sank into her seat and sniffed.

"He just don't want to admit that he's scared of my mom." She told Kurotsuchi and the girl sent her a look.

"Deidara," She said. "I think _everyone_ is scared of your mom."

Breaking out into a sunny grin, the blonde tossed her long hair over her shoulder and shrugged a shoulder.

"I know! Isn't it great?" She giggled smugly. "I wanna be exactly like her when I'm older."

"I think you already are." The dark haired girl mumbled and Deidara gasped.

"I think that's the kindest thing you've ever said to me." She simpered. "If you keep this up I may think you actually _like_ me or something."

Dark eyes rolled.

"Don't be an ass Dei-chan." Kurotsuchi sighed before she grinned. "You know I _tolerate_ you at best."

"Wow what a charmer!"

"You're an idiot."

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**It's literally been like three years since I've updated this story.**

**I'm so sorry for leaving it for so long lol.**


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